how do we lose a picture so big? November 18, 2008

I am sitting at a coffeehouse right now, having flocked along with other early morning warriors to have a coffee and begin making sense of the day. Today is a day like every other – the sun has risen, the earth is spinning on its axis, and the hands move around the clock at 60 beats per minute. It is interesting to me that so many of us can treat such an ordinary day like this one as if it is the end of the world.

I realize that in this unstable world (politically, socially, economically), I am in a bit more ideal position than if I were working at a large corporation or a small business yielding the blows of the financial crisis. As a student, I am lucky to have little financial responsibility. But I cannot help but wonder that the things that are happening in this world are getting out of hand.

The problem is, however, that we cannot identify what the real problem is. Sitting here today, there are a couple of women behind me discussing their financial problems. One is complaining that she cannot sleep, she is relaying the dramatic confrontations she has had with friends, family, and coworkers, and she is basically falling apart. They are speaking in particular about difficulties with the stock market and having to dip into their reserves. One woman has just asked if maybe the “euphoria” of the election will carry us through this mess. I don’t really know the answer to these questions, and I have not been engaged in figuring it out, probably because it doesn’t directly affect me.

That being said, I hope not to offend anyone by making judgments on something that I have not experienced first hand. I will offer my opinion no matter. Everyone wants to know “how did we get here?!”. And we are blaming everyone – past leaders; big, bad, crooked corporations; and the structure of the government. These things and the pressures of changing landscapes have not stolen something from us. We have lost it.

Lost what? Well, the big picture, that’s what. Even now, I am young and not far removed from the carefree days of childhood where my experience of this world was not broken down by the crushing weight of finances, politics, and social pressures. Talk of portfolios, retirement funds, and bankruptcy never entered my vocabulary. Instead, my word bank consisted (and still does consist of) dreams, goodness, an exciting future, the little things in life. All of these things being part of the bigger picture.

How could we lose track of something so big and so lovely? It’s like losing a large elephant in a small room. Where is it hiding? Under the rug? I don’t think so. Maybe that’s just it. Maybe it is exactly the elephant in the room – that thing which no one wants to talk about because if we do, then we just might have to start taking responsibility for our own lot in life.

Many people say that you cannot just live inside this dream world where everything is ok. And I’m not necessarily suggesting that, but there does have to be a point where we realize that it has been completely left behind. Some will suggest that this sort of attitude is reductionist, but I still have to argue that that is only what people say when it seems too hard to look at the big picture instead of the smaller ones that seem to have more concrete solutions. And while things like finances seem to have concrete solutions, we still cannot find them. I am more inclined to think that solving the big picture puzzle is a much more worthwhile, rewarding, and possible go at this life.

I would love to turn around to these women and ask them to chill out and think about the good things in their life instead of bashing their coworkers and this political atmosphere, and adopting a offensive strategy towards the rest of the world just so they can survive. I think that attitude is want makes this need to fight just to survive continue. If I did this though, I would probably be punched in the face. I am afraid we are starting to fight fire with fire, and that just will not work. We are on our way to burning the big picture down and then it won’t even matter to anyone anymore that we have lost it.

Grocery shopping with Grandma November 16, 2008

A couple of days ago I took my grandmother to the grocery store. I learn something new every time I spend time with this woman and I doubt she has any idea that she is teaching me.

She has the heart and soul of a true child. Hers is the kind of soul tarnished only by the wisdom of her 83 years. Otherwise, it is completely new and full of life. The night before, she had just been released from the hospital after about a week of tests and she could not have been more thrilled to get out. She has been admitted several times in the past few years due to her heart, but I swear it beats stronger and lighter each time she comes home. Each time she threatens to escape her eighth floor hospital room and start walking home, and that is funny because she is actually serious.

Everytime I visit her or speak to her I watch her in amazement and hope that I can grow up to have half the wisdom she has. Her past is interesting, because she grew up on a farm in rural Nebraska where she had little time to be a child because she was too busy working and taking care of all her siblings. She did not get the chance to go to high school because of the work she had to do. The woman I see now is one who has not allowed herself to be hardened by this loss of a childhood. Instead, she has embraced the opportunity to regain it now in her later years.

And maybe that’s better. She has done a lot of living and seen a lot of things, and now she is more ready than ever to embrace the little things in this life. What strikes me most is her faith. She is a strong Catholic and always has been, and her almost blind, unceasing faith in the Lord is like that of a child. It is innocent and completely without obstacle, and it is not that she is gullible. She has faced many trials in this life and had many more chances than any of us to give up on the Lord.

I am definitely not one to encourage blind acceptance of beliefs, I absolutely advocate questioning everything so that you know what you really think and make your beliefs your own. That being said, once we get over the questioning, we have to adopt something. We have to stand for something. And that cannot be done by just proclaiming your identity as a believer, it has to be pursued and backed by the enthusiasm and fervor that we all showed as children towards something. Likely, much of the enthusiasm of our pasts was directed towards our future. Our project now must be to direct it toward our present.